Somewhere along the next 7 years, I lost that. I worry all the time. I like things to be predictable and orderly - so very different from my 18-year-old self who love spontaneity and chaos. I worry about my husband, my three kids, the house, money... the list goes on and on. There are days when I feel like I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
All day, I've struggled with just a sense of panic. There are no logical reasons for my stomach to be tied in knots. It just is. Then as I'm opening the fridge, I glance at my pre-schooler's Sunday school newsletter. This entire month the kids have been learning about trusting God. I scan the paragraphs typed on purple paper. God keeps us safe. God gives us a family and a home to live in. Simple truths for children, yet it gives me comfort. Their monthly verse is Isaiah 12:2.
“Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”
I forget how much God has done for me. I can't help but see where He has personally involved Himself in the big and even minute details of my life. I guess I have a subconscious thought that God is too big or too far away to concern Himself with me, but I'm wrong. Time and time again He has intervened when I didn't deserve it. He has blessed me in spite of myself.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
In God, Whose Word I praise - in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?"
(Psalm 56:3-4)
Instead of getting anxious, I need to remind myself of these simple truths that I teach to my own kids. I need to trust Him. He has always (and always will) take care of me. I can't see three inches in front of me, but He can see the big picture. I just need to look at Him and walk forward in confidence. He loves my family more than I possibly can and He will take care of them. I am not in control. I do what I can, but there are some things I just have to hand over to Him. I'm okay with that.
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