Beauty

Beauty.... confident self-image... slender figure. I have spent my entire life feeling like I would never acquire these things. It sent me into a life-long downward spiral of depression and self-loathing. I whole-heartedly bought into the lie that I had to look a certain way to be successful, accepted and loved. 

That lie led me to dabble with Bulimia and Anorexia in high school. (Fortunately, neither lasted long because I liked food too much.) In early college, a hard-hitting rejection drove me to lose weight the right way, but with all of the wrong intentions. I worked hard and lost 60 pounds, started wearing more feminine clothing, and for the first time in 18 years the opposite sex started to notice that I existed. Unfortunately, I didn't gain self-respect as I lost weight.

When I got married, I was sure that my problems were over. I had someone who loved me the way I was. Everything was perfect, right? But then I had my first child and I wasn't prepared for the enormous change in my body. Everything shifted. My muffin top dropped and my weight went up. Add two more kids in less than three years. Bam. I now felt like Jabba the Hut. The amount of weight I needed to lose was astronomical.

But something happened I didn't expect. I had a daughter... a daughter that looked just like me. As I looked at her perfect little face and beautiful blue eyes, I realized something... she is perfectly beautiful... and she looks like me. I am beautiful. She gave me something I had been looking for for the last 25 years - resolve. Mothers unconsciously pass on their self-image to their daughters, and I was not going to let this negative self-image haunt my daughter. 

I realized that I needed to become the woman I hope my daughter will become one day. 

I want to teach her to take care of herself and look her best - not what modern media tells her she should look like. It's okay to like food, but there's a healthy way to enjoy it: you eat to live, not live to eat. I want her to be a woman of character, to know her worth in the Lord, to respect herself and make wise decisions. She won't learn these concepts from me preaching. I've got to live it out for her.

When our daughter was born, we named her Madelynn Rose. Madelynn means "a strong and elegant tower/fortress." Her middle name is after a beautiful flower. I hope and pray that I can set an example for her to live up to her name and become a woman of strength who is confident in both her inner and outer beauty.


Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
^27 
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

(Proverbs 31:25-26,30-31)

If You Could Ask For One Thing...

At the beginning of this month, I posted a question on my Facebook wall:

"If you could ask one thing for your children (current and future), what would it be?"

Most of my friends answered "To know Jesus," "Follow God," "Go to heaven," "Just be happy," etc. I would definitely like those things for my children. I love them more than life itself and it would give me great joy to know that they are spiritually secure and happy... but that's not what I would ask for.

My children are first and foremost God's children. He created them. I am (when all is said and done) merely a steward. They are a part of me, but they belong to Him. He already planned their purposes and futures long before they started growing in my womb. They are His (a really hard concept for a mother to accept, one which I have to remind my self daily).

If I could ask for one thing from God for my children, it would be that they would never be spiritually complacent. I simply ask that they have an unquenchable thirst and curiosity to seek after God. I pray that they are never fully satisfied in this life with what they are spoon-fed. I ask that at an early age they grab the spoon themselves.

I hope they possess wisdom and understanding at a young age and use those gifts to pursue a strong spiritual journey over their lifetimes... not simply a cruise through life. Salvation, joy, happiness... those are simply bi-products of a dedicated traveller.

Proverbs 31:28

"Her children rise up and call her blessed..."

Famous words from a very famous (perhaps infamous) passage in Proverbs. Ah, the Proverbs 31 woman... the woman we all aspire to be while we simultaneously despise... but more on that later.

I love looking up the original translations to get a better feel for what the author was trying to say. Blame it on the English major in me. I was well-taught in the realm of analyzing literature. In leu of Mother's Day, I was looking over this particular nugget... Proverbs 31:28.  When I initially read this passage in English, the image of children telling their mommy she is the best comes to mind. Any mother's dream... including my own. What mom doesn't love to have her ego stroked when her children (and husband) tell her she is the most wonderful mother in the world. Touching, yes, but if you are a smart woman, those words often are followed by some request. Ah well.

Thankfully, this passage means far more than a "World's Best Mom" t-shirt.  The original Hebrew for "rise up and call blessed" actually refers more to an action rather than verbal praise.  Basically, this verse says that her children are well-established and upright (I presume morally) and make good progress in the world.  Every mother's dream is to have kids that are well-adjusted and strong members of society. Sure, they can give you a t-shirt, but that doesn't do you much good if they're smoking pot behind the school during class time. Ok, bad example. I can picture you cringing right about now. My fingers were curling as I typed that.

Truthfully, as a mother of two boys, I can think of no greater honor than to see my sons grow up to be strong, godly men. Sure, I expect they'll make mistakes (maybe even some big ones), but I hope and pray that they will learn well and become better and stronger because of it. I hope they become men that are respected and looked up to. That's way better than a t-shirt or a mug.

Impact

A good name is better than precious ointment,

​And the day of death than the day of one's birth;

Better to go to the house of mourning

Than to go to the house of feasting,

​For that is the end of all men;

​And the living will take it to heart.

​Sorrow is better than laughter,

For by a sad countenance the heart is made better.

​The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,

But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-4, NKJV

The entire stage was covered in floral arrangements sent by friends and family. Most of the seats in the large auditorium were filled. Soft music was playing in the background while a slideshow of the departed flashed across the large screen. His name was David and he was only 24 years old. In a split second, a horrible car accident had taken him home.

Unfortunately, I never got to know David. He was a school friend of my husband, Derek; I had come to support him mostly. Derek was still very shaken from the news we received just a few days earlier.  It's hard to hear about a young person dying in the prime of life... it's much harder when it's someone you know. I tried to imagine what David's wife was feeling at that moment. I didn't know her, but my heart ached for her.  If Derek was suddenly taken like that... I honestly don't know how I'd function. The scary thing is that could very well happen to him - it crosses my mind every morning when he leaves for work. Derek does a lot of driving for his job. 

I thought about David's mother. I have two boys of my own. If I lost either one of them, I think it would break me. No parent wants to see the day when they have to bury their own child. Then there were David's siblings... I pictured losing one of my brothers. David left a huge hole when he passed.

Yesterday this passage really started to make sense to me. Life is so short and we never know when it might be our last day or the last time we see a loved one. Death is usually unexpected and no one is exempt from it. I was really convicted to make sure that Derek and I never part on a bad note. What if we had an argument over something stupid one morning and he's killed on his way to work? There's absolutely nothing worth fighting over when I look at it from that perspective. 

God forbid, but what if I lose one of my boys when they're still young like David? I can only hope that we raise them as well as David's parents raised him and his brothers.  David's older brother, Luke, said at his funeral: "I don't think David died young. We shouldn't judge a life based on how many years that person lived. David accomplished more in 24 years than most people do in [80]."  David's funeral filled a large auditorium of people who travelled from all over the country and even from other countries just to be there. His funeral caused a traffic jam from all the people leaving the church. His death affected people that didn't even know him. What an impressive way to go for someone who was only 24. 

I never knew David in this life, but his death caused me to cherish my marriage in a new way. His death made me want to strive to raise our sons to have an impact on people like David did in the short time he was here on earth. My prayers are with his family. I can't imagine the huge crater he left... but I think that's the goal. I hope that when I die, I leave as big an impact on those in my life as he did in his.  

This looks like a lot of fun...

Generally, I do a lot of independent research and self-teaching when it comes to my photography, but I have to admit it might be a nice "refresher" to go to a workshop and consort with other photographers... especially when it comes to business-running tips.  Found out about this one through a friend...

http://ginnycorbettphotography.com/blog/?p=2715

I needed that...

Came home from the chiropractor and grocery store to find my entire hall bathroom flooded and toilet water seeping into my carpet.  With a 17-month-old and at 39 weeks pregnant, I needed that like a hole in the head.  Good thing my handy husband already deals with stuff like this at work.

Kitchen Experimentation

Day #4 of snow... to cope with the cabin fever, I've begun to experiment in the kitchen (in between playing legos and reading books with my toddler).  Made some pretty good soup. I think I'll make some fresh bread to go with it for dinner.

Creamy Potato & Squash Soup

• 8 size "B" red potatoes, diced
• 2 acorn squash, halved & steamed
• 32 oz container chicken broth (low sodium)
• 1 large onion
• 1 Tb minced garlic
• 1 C carrots, chopped
• 1/2 C sour cream
• 1 C sharp cheddar cheese, finely shredded
• 1/2 C grated parmesan cheese
• 3 tsp seasoned salt
• 1 tsp ground black pepper

In a large pot, steam potatoes and carrots until tender, set aside.  Halve acorn squash and place face-down on a large plate.  Microwave on high for 15 minutes then set aside for a few minutes to cool.  Meanwhile, finely chop the onion and puree in blender with garlic. Pour into large pitcher or bowl and set aside.  Then proceed to puree potatoes and carrots (combine with some of the chicken broth to make blending easier) and pour into pitcher with onion/garlic mix. Once the squash is slightly cooled, scrape seeds into trash and the meat of the squash into the blender with the remaining chicken broth. Puree and combine with other pureed vegetables.  Pour pureed vegetable mixture back into large pot and add remaining ingredients (sour cream, cheddar, parmesan, salt, pepper). Stir on medium heat for 5-10 minutes and then keep on a low heat until served.