“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” - Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love)
“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” - John Bunyan (author of Pilgrim's Progress)
Growing up in Christian circles you hear a lot about charity, tithing, giving to the church, and supporting missionaries. As a child, you're encouraged from a young age to bring your coins to put in the offering basket. As an adult, you're told to tithe 10% of your income. You dutifully write your check and stick it in a box, never giving a second thought as to where it goes or who it helps. I grew up watching my parents dutifully contribute to the church from their meager income.
I didn't like it. Not that I think churches shouldn't have members contribute to keep them running, or that missionaries shouldn't be supported. Charities are great too, don't get me wrong. That's just too impersonal for me.
As I've mentioned, I didn't grow up with a lot. I remember trips to the food pantry, resale shops for clothes, etc. Even one of our cars was given to us. Some of it I remember with shame and embarrassment. I didn't like being "the poor kid" with hand-me-down clothes. I hated being the charity case all of the time, but I will say that I deeply appreciated the generosity of friends. One time, my 5th-grade Sunday school class was going on a girls' shopping trip to the mall. I couldn't go because we didn't have extra money. One of my teachers gave me cash to spend so I could participate. When I was in junior high, two older girls from the high school group bought me brand-new clothes from Old Navy. That was the first time I had beautiful new clothes from a department store. One year, we only had Christmas due to the generosity of another friend.
Now that I'm an adult with kids of my own, I appreciate those moments even more. I can imagine how hard that must have been for my parents. We've spent our fair share of scraping and scrimping with three children. We still have times of want accompanied with times of plenty.
I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about tithing (or charity, for those of my friends who aren't religious). No matter what your religious creed is, giving shouldn't be perfunctory. Regularly donating money to a charity or giving your weekly/monthly time to the local food bank to gain brownie points with God (or the Universe or whatever) misses the mark. I think it needs to be more spontaneous and intentional. For me, it could be taking someone dinner, driving a friend to the grocery store, giving away my kids' out-grown clothes, cleaning someone's house, babysitting for free, or buying groceries for a friend who's in a tight spot. The point is, I know where my time and resources are going and that person knows they're loved. I take the time to know what people's needs are and try my best to help out. Sometimes I do contribute to friends' mission trips. (I also get a huge kick out of paying for the person behind me in the Starbucks drive-through. Seeing the look of surprise is just priceless.)
People need to experience generosity on a personal level and know that there is still goodness in the world. So instead of just donating a little money or time to earn your "good person brownie points," make some effort to give personally and without expectations. Be creative. Be intentional. Be spontaneous.
