That lie led me to dabble with Bulimia and Anorexia in high school. (Fortunately, neither lasted long because I liked food too much.) In early college, a hard-hitting rejection drove me to lose weight the right way, but with all of the wrong intentions. I worked hard and lost 60 pounds, started wearing more feminine clothing, and for the first time in 18 years the opposite sex started to notice that I existed. Unfortunately, I didn't gain self-respect as I lost weight.
When I got married, I was sure that my problems were over. I had someone who loved me the way I was. Everything was perfect, right? But then I had my first child and I wasn't prepared for the enormous change in my body. Everything shifted. My muffin top dropped and my weight went up. Add two more kids in less than three years. Bam. I now felt like Jabba the Hut. The amount of weight I needed to lose was astronomical.
But something happened I didn't expect. I had a daughter... a daughter that looked just like me. As I looked at her perfect little face and beautiful blue eyes, I realized something... she is perfectly beautiful... and she looks like me. I am beautiful. She gave me something I had been looking for for the last 25 years - resolve. Mothers unconsciously pass on their self-image to their daughters, and I was not going to let this negative self-image haunt my daughter.
I realized that I needed to become the woman I hope my daughter will become one day.
I want to teach her to take care of herself and look her best - not what modern media tells her she should look like. It's okay to like food, but there's a healthy way to enjoy it: you eat to live, not live to eat. I want her to be a woman of character, to know her worth in the Lord, to respect herself and make wise decisions. She won't learn these concepts from me preaching. I've got to live it out for her.
When our daughter was born, we named her Madelynn Rose. Madelynn means "a strong and elegant tower/fortress." Her middle name is after a beautiful flower. I hope and pray that I can set an example for her to live up to her name and become a woman of strength who is confident in both her inner and outer beauty.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:25-26,30-31)
